Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible past event. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer-term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea. The impact of a traumatic past on personal relationships can make it difficult for a couple to experience steady relationship growth.

Trauma can impact how you respond and relate to others, especially yourself, your understanding of the outer world, and how you navigate new steady relationships. The earlier events may lead to unhelpful behaviours and ways of thinking that make it difficult to form meaningful relationships. Trauma is defined as “a stressful event or experience that threatens one’s sense of safety and well-being (emotional and/or physical).”.

Trauma cannot be generalized; it is subjective, which means that every person has a different level of intensity for past events. It cannot be compared, and the healing from the aftermath of traumatic events may depend on each person. Trauma can impact every individual differently. The unfortunate past events include but are not limited to childhood abuse, losing a parent, family separation, a medical crisis, a car accident, harassment at work, or being bullied as a child. The degree of trauma depends on the person’s perception of past events. Few people are strong enough to accept and combat emotional shock, and few become unresponsive whenever those past terrible events haunt them.

In this blog, we will enlighten you on how past terrible traumatic events affect steady relationship growth so that you can escape them and build strong, long-lasting relationships.

1. Mistrust

Trauma can affect the trust factor in a relationship—how one connects with and responds to another within a relationship. Mistrust might cause you to frequently question the intentions and sincerity of another person or seek out “red flags.” The attachment style is most of the time anxious, with insecurities and doubts,  which makes it difficult for any relationship to survive for a longer period.

For instance, one finds it difficult to accept that the other person in a relationship is telling the truth about their visits, phone calls, social media networking, etc. Sometimes even friends, brothers, or sisters are misinterpreted as something else and create unnecessary misunderstandings in the relationships.

2. Inferiority complex

Trauma can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Sometimes people feel that they are not worthy of being in a relationship with anyone just because an earlier relationship showed some unacceptable facts about their physical appearance, nature, financial management, etc. The feelings of shame, unworthiness, and being good for nothing come automatically.

To make it clearer, if one’s partner cheated because of the financial crisis, then that person will pursue the feeling of being incompetent in terms of money whenever he or she tries to build a new relationship. Similarly, with physical appearance, if one is neglected or double-dated because of body shape, skin tone, or beauty, the feeling of body shaming persists and affects the steady growth of a newer relationship.

3. Panic State

Under traumatic conditions, the amygdala and sympathetic nervous systems over-function, which results in anxiety, panic symptoms, fight or freeze responses, restlessness, catastrophic thinking, over-generalizing, and often dwelling on past events. In this elevated state, one might be more combative or defensive and quick to start fights or arguments. This panic state might also make it difficult for you to be fully present or available.

For example, obvious impulsive behaviour, ending relationships out of fear (i.e., “I’m going to end the relationship before they do), accusing partners without reason, avoiding commitments, and thinking all the what-ifs that could go wrong)

4. Lack of Hope

One might lack faith in oneself and the ability to live a happy and contented life, which gives rise to a feeling of hopelessness. One starts feeling that nothing good will ever happen to them. You also might have very little hope and make a lot of negative assumptions about a new relationship before you even give it a real chance.

To explain it, one finds it very difficult to imagine or even consider another person in their private space. The scenario for the whole gender becomes universal: “All men are the same; they all cheat on women,” etc. It becomes a challenge to maintain a positive mindset about the new partner.

5. Feeling isolated

One might experience a feeling of loneliness even in a room full of people or with a hectic schedule. Being single and alone makes you feel whole. Generally, it is felt because of the belief that no one else could ever relate to you or understand what you have gone through or experienced. As a result, dating can become tricky because it can be difficult to feel connected to another person.

For example, even in social gatherings, family outings, or festival celebrations with people, one always keeps themselves confined to their private space. With a bunch of people, that flood of traumatic events keeps you away from bonding and emotional attachment.

Generally, one might even encounter more than the above-quoted issues that affect building new relationships with the baggage of past traumatic events. The best news is, Yes! It is possible to heal from trauma. Think on a broader spectrum, be a better version of yourself, and engage in meeting people more frequently. Slowly and gradually, with time, events and bonding with different people help one overcome past traumatic events. Stop holding yourself back in that bubble of pain; burst it, fly high with new relationships, and enjoy this big whole journey of life with a new partner.